Pen Pals 101: How to Make a Good Connection with Your New Friend

As and when you get set up with your new writing buddy as part of our exciting new pen pal scheme you might be wondering how best to break the ice with your new friend. That first letter can seem intense and daunting and it can be difficult to know how to make your new friend feel at ease while also making a fun, solid connection with them.

But never fear! We totally understand and we’ve got you. Here are some helpful tips for making a good connection with a pen pal.

Aim to find common ground and interests

The first step in creating and maintaining a lasting connection to someone is also the simplest and most fun: Go hog wild in talking about the things that you love!

Talk about your interests, how you discovered them, why you love them and how they make you feel. This might lead to your pen pal sharing that they also love the same things that you do - or at the very least it’ll prompt them to share the things that make them feel those same things that you do for your interests. And you never know, this could lead to some very exciting new discoveries for both of you!

Don’t be afraid to be yourself!

All of us live with that annoying voice in the back of our brains that dares to suggest that who we are isn’t enough in some way. So first and foremost say this with us: I AM ENOUGH. Got that? Good! Once you can acknowledge what a rad human bean you are (and you deffo are!) then you can start flexing just how cool and interesting you are too.

It’s important when establishing a new connection with your pen pal that you don’t try and be anyone else. Not only will your pen pal appreciate receiving correspondance from someone who is living their best, authentic life (flex, honey!) but it will also help for you to realise how absolutely, utterly boss you are, too. Remember that we love you - and chances are your pen pal will adore you too.

Include a little gift with your letter

Who doesn’t love receiving gifts? And we’re not talking about anything fancy or expensive here - we all know that money can’t buy true friendship - but any token of kindness or connection will go a long way in establishing the start of a strong bond.

Think about something nice that you can make for your new friend (and something that will survive the toss and tumble of the post!): Draw them a picture, sew them a patch, write them a poem, or make them a friendship bracelet! Just anything that lets you show off your amazing personality while also showing your new pal that you’re exciting to be their friend.

Remember to place and maintain boundaries

Friendships can take a while to reach the sort of level where you feel comfortable to share anything and everything with someone. And that can often involve a delicate process of communication where you figure out your comfort zone with that person. As a result, it’s a good idea to maintain personal boundaries with your pen pal until both of you reach a comfortable enougn level of trust where you feel safe to receive, and to give, information that could be difficult for either of you.

While it’s important to be yourself, we also urge you to tread carefully and safely - for both of you! - while you establish your new friendship.

Avoid triggering language

Which brings us to our final point: Avoid talking about difficult subjects that your new friend could find triggering in some way. Remember to be gentle and to be kind and mindful that we’re all currently dealing with mental health difficulties of some description right now. It’s important to talk about those things and to share such experiences, but please try to do so in a way that’s supportive for your new friend. Think about the words that you’d love to hear from a pal right now and send them to your pen pal.

Stay safe & stay sassy out there! And we hope you all make some amazing new friends!