In Conversation with Amber Jay
This week on the Comics Youth x Where are the Girlbands Safe Spaces podcast we are chatting with Amber Jay, a Liverpool based musician whose music speaks from the heart to the sounds of excitingly blended genres. From alt-pop to unearthly electronica, Amber Jay’s music is incredibly unique, filled with atmosphere and honest words. Alongside being one of Liverpool’s most distinctive musicians, Amber Jay is a creative who uses her work to make the music scene she started out in a safer, community space.
Full episode Transcript:
Hello and welcome to the Comics Youth x Where are the Girlbands Safe Spaces podcast, a space for discussions with organisations and individuals who are creating safe spaces within the North West, with a focus on Merseyside.
As Where are the Girlbands, myself and my collaborator Eve spend most of our time thinking about and researching how to make the Merseyside music scene a safer space for musicians and creatives alike. It is always such a joy to speak to a musician who is not only making incredible, exciting music, but are actively making the local scene a safer space too.
Amber Jay is a Liverpool based musician whose music speaks from the heart to the sounds of excitingly blended genres. From alt-pop to unearthly electronica, Amber Jay’s music is incredibly unique, filled with atmosphere and honest words. Alongside being one of Liverpool’s most distinctive musicians, Amber Jay is a creative who uses her work to make the music scene she started out in a safer, community space. From creating mini documentaries to give marginalised musicians the space to tell their stories, to making music that empowers those who have been made to feel unequal in society, Amber Jay is not only talented and ground-breaking in their music, but in her support of marginalised communities within the arts too.
Interview with Amber Jay:
Ella:
How are you doing?
Amber:
I’m good! How are you doing Ella?
Ella:
Fantastic! Very excited to chat to you about some stuff. I, on like a personal level want to start off by chatting to you about your journey with music and how you sort of ended up making the music that you make basically. I think something that everyone seems to say about you is how sort of unique and distinctive your music is because you have this real like blended genres sort of approach, and I’d just be so interested to hear how you got to the sort of unique sound that you have today.
Amber:
Yeah it’s been a bit of a journey because I definitely did not start out with like it just being like how it is now. For a long time like I just gigged acoustically so I never even had a vision for the songs because I didn’t think I’d ever record them or share them with anyone, and when I did record them the first time it just didn’t feel right. The songs were very, it was very folk-ish and it just didn’t like fit with me because I didn’t listen to that type of music so it just didn’t feel right so I kind of left those recordings as they were and it wasn’t until I found a producer called Kurran Karbal who is a Merseyside producer who like is insane. I just like he put up a message on Instagram and just said like I’m working out of the Motor Museum now if anyone wants to like come in and work let me know, and I saw the message and I literally like, it was so out of character I saw the message and I thought that sounds terrifying but I’m totally going to message him and I did and literally went down like I don’t know a week later or something like that and we just started recording stuff. I even didn’t even go with the intention of recording I don’t know what my intention was to go and do but yeah the songs just took on a new life and I just kind of explained to Kurran like I just want them to be like energetic and to have this like I want them to have like beats and like a rhythm to them and referenced a load of artists that like I listen to and then it was just really that collaboration that created this sound that I was like Wow I can sound like that? Like that’s mad! Are you sure? Like I don’t have to fit into some folk-y singer-songwriter-y box? Which I love and I love those sort of songs but I like I just don’t feel like I want to sit there so I was like kind of it was a crazy moment to hear my music interpreted in that way and so that’s really how it started and how the songs sound like the way they do.
Ella:
It’s so exciting and I love how your music, like you were saying it has a beat and it’s catchy and it has a rhythm to it but it feels really experimental at the same time and it goes between sort of feeling very atmospheric and spooky but it’s also like got these kind of like pop catchy choruses and stuff, it’s honestly like nothing I’ve ever listened to which I always think’s amazing so well done to you for that. It’s so lovely when things come out of collaboration as well obviously because like you said, you went in with like an open heart and an open mind and something totally new blossomed out of that which is so exciting. And I guess going on from that I’d love to hear like how it was for you starting out as a musician on Merseyside who doesn’t really fit in a particular genre box. Like you were saying I think a lot of people when they’re starting out feel like they have to go down the acoustic singer-songwriter open-mic kind of a route and I know a lot of pop artists and anyone really who doesn’t sit in a kind of indie or an acoustic genre really finds it difficult to find spaces for themselves in Merseyside. What was your sort of experience with that?
Amber:
Yeah, it was kind of like it was a slow process because I had the songs recorded and then the pandemic hit so I actually never went and gigged the songs how they existed for a good year and so coming out of it all like I also had to figure out like how to play them out by myself because obviously at first I had a band with me and it was just like not logistically possible to have them there all the time and especially being like an independent artist like you can’t pay people as much and if you do split it it’s like only small amounts of money so you can’t expect people to constantly be there so I think like I had to figure out how to do. So I figured out to put it on an SPD and to like play the tracks out through the SPD and just like go and like lean into just doing it by myself. And I, I don’t know like beforehand I always played in places like Leaf which was lovely and the odd like Jacaranda gig and stuff that was like acoustic but as soon as it went like to track and electronic based I was quite lucky like the gigs were just getting offered and I was just take them and it was just a matter of like figuring out then how I wanted to come across on stage which I found like a really hard thing. I think it’s amazing like with venues like Future Yard as well now that don’t really have a genre they just put on like everything and anything and like they kind of span across all things and so yeah it was that sort of thing. I didn’t know how to present myself on stage when I didn’t have like my guitar for every song and I always like didn’t know what to do with my body I was always just stood there with the mic it felt like stand up like I felt really self-conscious and so I went into like a rehearsal room and I took Poppy my girlfriend and was like can you just watch like me do this and like tell me what I need to change because I don’t know what’s working and what’s not and then she was like you just need to like move like you need to like dance! Because I dance at home but like stupid dance do you know what I mean it’s ridiculous like no-one’s ever moved like I move like in my head I look amazing but it’s actually horrendous the way I move. And she’s like you just need to lean into it because it’s funny and it works and I was like ahh that’s so like scary please I did not want her to say that but it worked and so now like I go out and like I actually like dance and I let go and like lean into the track and like trust and it like people always say it they’re like I love how you like move when you’re like performing and stuff and it’s like given me that sort of thing to do on stage which I think loads of people find really hard to know what to do especially within that genre of like, you know if you’re doing like indie music or whatever you’ve got your guitar constantly and you’re singing into the mic and you’ve got your band or whatever, but like solo like alt-pop artist it’s kind of like eventually I do want to build stuff up and have like maybe like synths and things that I can control like on stage but like just starting out it was hard to like find like how to find my feet but I feel like gigs where just being offered and I just took them which has been really nice but it’s definitely been like a journey like the live journey’s been a long one.
Ella:
That is honestly like such helpful advice like I definitely had the exact same experience of like the music I’ve performed when I was like by myself I was just doing like acoustic stuff, and then in the band that I was in and haven’t been in for like three years because of the pandemic, good vibes, we were playing sort of like electronic music. I was just the singer of the band so it was sort of like what do I do, I’m just sort of like stood here looking at the audience like…hello…now I’m gonna sing you a song! It’s just like horrendous so I’ve never thought of that of like actually taking the time to hire a practice room and have people come and support you and give you feedback and practicing your stage presence as much as you would practice the music and like the vocal side of it because obviously stage presence is so much of a live performance and, so that’s super helpful and I love as well that like you have taken something which is something that comes from behind closed doors and is just very personal to you like the music that you would just do in your bedroom basically when you were like signing or dancing along to music because something that definitely comes across with your lyrics I guess is that they feel really heartfelt and almost like confessions sometimes I feel like? So it’s really nice it’s like you’re giving your audience a real open door to who you are and who you were when you were writing those tracks and who you would be by yourself as much as in front of a live audience so, that’s very lovely.
Along the lines of live performances and stuff and just the Merseyside scene in general, I’d love to hear a bit about just your thoughts on the scene in general I guess. I know that you’ve spoken a lot about how it is to be a marginalised person on the music scene whether that’s your own experiences or giving platform to other people’s experiences. And I guess, maybe just to talk a bit about that, maybe somethings that could be changed in the Liverpool music scene to make it more accessible and inclusive.
Amber:
Yeah I think like I’ve been lucky in a sense that I’ve had a lot of like support from things like LIMF and things like Sound City and like I’ve always felt that there were people around me that like we don’t exclusively talk about my identity or anything but you just know that people like are nice people and they’re like I think it’s lucky that in the Liverpool scene, definitely in the scenes that I find myself in with my genre I find like everyone is like not really bothered don’t know if that like goes across to other genres like I don’t know how it translates there’s definitely been venues where like I’ve not felt like the safest in, but that’s normally because like you know you turn up and like it’s an all male sort of like set-up and you’re like hmmm this is going to be interesting, but like I think like with the scene now that like the gigs that I’ve been offered like there’s been even like gigs that I’ve turned up to where the artist I’m supporting has exclusively been like wanted like an all female/non-binary crew and even when it comes down to the promoters they’ve wanted like a female/non-binary representative from that promoter. And like so that was like a really mad experience to be a part of because it was like you’ve intentionally like made this whole tour like all female/non-binary and it felt like entirely different and I was like wow like this can happen like this can be a think like the people are out there to do these jobs but they’re just not there it’s mad. But like luckily within the scene like I’ve felt supported and been okay and like I think it’s also been like with maybe with the genre I’m in like I’ve come across a lot of other Queer musicians and so that always helps you know when you’re on a line-up with people that you’re like ah! You’ve got that sort of like comfort and that knowing of like it’s good, it’s going to be good! But I think I’ve just been lucky, I don’t know about other sides of it but my experience has just been positive so far.
Ella:
Yeah one of my other questions that I had for you was basically about the fact that from my perception as someone who just sort of sees you online and the stuff that you’re doing it seems that you’ve sort of got a really nice community around you. People like Zuzu or Callum Crighton or people who are going to support you in your identity but also like in your creative vision as well. Obviously like your producer too and like things like your music videos are like a really nice example of that how you’re taking things maybe like out of the box or out of like maybe what you would expect as someone who is sort of starting out in branding themselves like maybe some people would feel like they had to go down a more standardised path with music videos but you’re straight out the gate with like concepts and like really cool narratives to your music videos and all this sort of stuff so it’s really nice to hear that you’ve had such a positive experience and by the sounds of it you do feel like you’ve got a nice community of people around you?
Amber:
Definitely yeah, and I feel like it is within those individuals that you just like you couldn’t do it without, like they’re vital like just them being there and existing whether they’re allies or like they’re Queer people themselves you know like it’s just it gives this sense of like safety which like you can’t get it in anything else you know?
Ella:
Definitely, I’d love to hear a little bit about the mini documentary that you made a while ago talking to marginalised musicians about their experiences which I think was in collaboration with Brighter Sounds if I’m correct?
Amber:
Yeah yeah, no definitely. It was, yeah so they put a shoutout and it was like for some sort of digital piece they wanted, and I’d had the idea to like interview other Queer musicians or just like artists in general and just never done it and I thought this is the perfect opportunity. So they were kind enough to support me and then I knew kind of straight away who I wanted to like ask and it was really interesting and I just wanted to give that space to people where as well because it was supported by Brighter Sounds I could fund it and pay them to be there and give them that financial support but also a space where they felt like it was safe enough to talk about a bit more deeper issues or topics that in a lot of like you wouldn’t maybe sometimes wouldn’t go on social media and start talking about or interviews that like normally around music or whatever kind of stay on a surface level which is fine but never really talk about a things, this is why it’s great like you doing this interview talking about some really great topics which never really get tossed up to talk about generally so it was kind of like that sort of feeling and so yeah it was brilliant and the people. So obviously I knew Callum before and I’d not met Felix and so it was amazing to meet him and hear about his story but also with like Sarah and Elise like Me and Deboe like I’d admired them for like so long and now we’re like really good friends and they’re so like wonderful people and we’ve been like out and gigged together now like I went down to London and gigged with them and it’s about that like connection as well and like just sharing not just the being able to talk to each other about music and about the strange situations you find yourself in as an independent artist but like the perspectives of having that as a Queer person and having those people to talk to too is like is brilliant. But the documentary was yeah, it was just sort of like me wanting to add to that, that pool of content, of Queer content and representation that I took so much from as a kid.
Ella:
Yeah, it’s so lovely that, it’s something that we always talk about is how when you’re beginning as a musician there’s this idea of networking and like meeting people and them like giving you gigs or whatever as quite like a transactional thing of like you give them a business card almost and they go away and will provide you with an opportunity but really something which is the most fulfilling and nourishing is when you find community with other people, and that can be a space where you, like you said, you share shared experiences with each other, provide a safe space for them to come to you with their experiences as well as talking about music and talking about your experiences as a creative and that will just kind of naturally evolve into spaces for collaboration and open doors for you in terms of like your performances and how your own practices evolve. I know even just doing interviews like this it’s so inspiring hearing other people’s stories and where they come from and that’s only ever going to nourish you as a creative as a musician and all of that sort of stuff so it’s really nice to hear that as well as giving those people a platform you as well like had quite like a beneficial experience and it opened some doors for you personally and professionally which is realty nice. Was there anything in particular that you took from that documentary mini-series? Was there anything that anyone said that really stuck with you?
Amber:
Just like everything you know like there was so much stuff that people were talking about where you know you hear it and you almost hear yourself talking back to you and it’s like I think like loads of Queer people or people like can just like feel that in anyone if you feel like a situation like mirrored back to you it’s like an intense deep feeling a sense of like comfort to see other people going through that as well and to know that someone else can understand you on a different level as well you know? So yeah I think especially like out starting out and starting too like I forget that every time I perform I basically like out myself because my songs use like she pronouns and like it’s just kind of like I still, even though I talk openly about being Queer and stuff like I still have this sort of like nervousness and anxiousness around it as well which I feel like a lot of people have and I think it only grew as I got older which is weird. Like I was totally like you know as a kid fine with being Queer and then it was that thing the more you get involved in the world and it just kind of grew a bit more and so I think the more you have these kind of conversations regularly with other Queer people kind of like pushes down that anxiety a little bit more each time and gives you that sense of comfort and community which is really important.
Ella:
I completely feel that and I think even when I first came out I had a level of confidence and assurance which just sort of dissipated for me when I got into my early 20s and I didn’t really know why it wasn’t like any big event had happened for me but I guess it is that it’s like when you enter the world and you have more experiences and you have to kind of make the decision whether to come out to that person or not like every day or you know all of these different things and you find yourself kind of biting your tongue sometimes in ways that you would never expect yourself to do and that definitely was a really strange experience and I think for me anyway when I went to uni a lot of the people I was in uni with were no like openly Queer and I think having been at home in like a very echo chamber sort of situation where like the people around me where all openly Queer and this sort of stuff I lost so much confidence and so much feelings of safety even though technically my circumstances were kind of the same and even just having conversations like this and you know I have the privilege of working at Comics Youth which is you know a Queer led organisation and pretty much everyone I work with is Queer and I feel so much more grounded again in that now and it is amazing how much you yourself can feel like you’ve fully found acceptance but it’s so important to have people around you who accept you too and who are going to constantly remind you that not only is it okay but it’s like an amazing thing and you have so much community and culture around you too. And so I totally agree with that and it’s why your songs are so good as well because I think even just as like women love women or like sapphic people, sapphic love songs are so hard to access like I feel like it’s something which I always yearned for as like a teenager as a young person and even just things like how when people do covers they change covers to be like he/him and stuff like that it just felt like a really like banned closed door to like ever find so hearing your music which like you say like it is like a really powerful thing how your music, obviously ‘Equal’ is maybe like a bit different but your music in general isn’t necessarily about being Queer, obviously it does speak to being Queer in a very sort of natural way because of the pronouns that you use and that sort of thing and I think having that almost every day like power and empowerment of hearing other people doing things like casually use like she/her pronouns when referring to a love interest is so empowering it’s like incredible so I always really value that in your music and I’m sure a lot of people find a lot of strength in that too, and it’s why we used your song ‘Equal’ in one of our other episodes too because it just fits so well with the stories and the words of advice that people have sort of given in other interviews on this show because you know finding self-acceptance is such a difficult thing and sometimes what you need is someone else to say it’s okay and set an example for you and all that sort of stuff. So I’d love to hear a bit more about ‘Equal’ and your sort of intentions with writing it.
Amber:
Yeah it was kind of like…thank you for saying all that by the way as well I feel like ah! Yeah like ‘Equal’ kind of came out of nowhere in a way. I was watching ‘Knock Down the House’ I think it’s called on Netflix and it’s just basically about some people some women who are running for Congress and they just come up against a lot of like issues and like issues around gender and like misogyny come up and I was just watching it and I was thinking like ah I just relate to this so much and so I went upstairs and started writing about how like we all just have the, like kind of like we were just speaking about then like we have the same sort of experiences but we start to feel like really like deflated at times but then when we speak to each other we feel more empowered and we feel more strong in our own self and so I kind of wanted to write this song that was there for people to like be empowered and like feel like they can keep going you now and not be like whittled down by it all because it can vbe like a lot and so I wrote the chorus with that sort of in mind and pieced together the verses maybe just like trying to cover some other sort of issues around like gender and just people’s like perspectives of like people think that they can tell people that their experiences are like wrong or like incorrect or whatever because they’ve not had felt that experience or not felt those feelings and so it’s kind of like that thing like I just wanted to express like lots of different things like within the song. And then Start the Wave which are, I think a charity like organisation based in like Canada and I reached out to them and they managed to fund it because they fund like good news kind of projects, it sounds like quite biblical like good news! But yeah like they funded it and they supported it which is lovely and yeah it just kind of became this thing and I like shot the video for it over Christmas as well and that’s all like ready to go to release this year and it’s just kind of like a bit of fun but with this message around it as well, like the song I think isn’t too serious within its sound but like the message is kind of you know it’s a strong one.
Ella:
Yeah, it’s a great song and it does all of the things that you were saying before are important you know it gives people a space to feel seen and feel reflected back you know hearing experiences that they’ve had and also just gives people like a nice, it’s like a hug you know it’s like you’re good, do you know what I mean, you should feel good in yourself.
So, on that note I’d like to maybe take some time to celebrate you and just all of the good things that you’ve done because I think you know as a creative you do so much for other people even in your intentions behind writing your music and other projects that you work on, so I think it would be nice to maybe like give you your flowers and spend a moment maybe thinking about maybe like something that you feel proud of yourself for or something that makes you feel good about yourself, maybe that’s creatively or just like as a person.
Amber:
Awww thank you! I’ll virtually take those flowers. I think the initial thing that really started everything was that feeling of fear when I saw that post and being like oh that looks scary like I’ll message Kurran and I’ll do that, so I’m proud of myself for doing that because I know that past Amber would never have done that and would have just shied away from it and thought that’s too scary like I’m not doing it and so I’m proud of myself for just that moment in time because it just literally led to everything unfolding the way it has, that moment of bravery.
Ella:
Definitely, it’s so inspiring and it’s so difficult to like make that choice in the moment. I think you’ve set a really nice example because I guess that’s a bit of a sliding doors moment for you whether you did it or not and because you went you’ve established this really unique sound and you’ve made like space for yourself on the music scene and all that sort of stuff and it all stemmed from that moment of bravery so I think that’s a very lovely example to set to the listeners today. I always find it really weird referring to the audience I’m like to YOU, to you whose listening right now, but. Yeah. Sort of similar on that note, is there anything in particular that you’re looking forward to in 2022.
Amber:
I think lots of things like I’ve been able to like spend a lot of time in January just writing and it’s been interesting writing purposely knowing that these songs are going to get released because the first EP wasn’t written in mind to be released, so it’s been really nice to sit down and actually be purposeful with like writing. So I’m excited to get those songs recorded and see like the progression hopefully in like the music and like as myself as an artist as I like take on like the next record. And then like yeah sharing it and just seeing how everything evolves like I’ve taken like a little step up in like every sort of corner of my like art and that which I think is like an exciting thing and I’m excited to do it and feel like ready to especially with everything like calming down a bit now it just feels like a really nice slide in you know like a penguin sliding in on their belly. I feel kind of like that moment where I’m like ah just enjoying a bit more like a path into it rather than starting out not really knowing and jumping from different platforms trying to figure out where I’m going. It feels like a much smoother like entrance into the year. So yeah I’d say that, the record and just releasing the video as well.
Ella:
Very exciting stuff! How have you found the song writing process? Do you find that, I guess like the way that I want to phrase it is, because the podcast is framed around safe spaces and stuff, is perhaps whether like that writing process is in its own way a safe space for you to maybe navigate feelings and that sort of thing?
Amber:
Definitely like I think over like last year I got really stuck in like, I was talking to actually Me and Deboe yesterday and they were saying they were like kind of struggling shifting from like live into recording and I felt like I was stuck last year in live and like admin world and like was finding it really hard to like shift into writing so I wasn’t writing a lot at all and it was getting me I just kept feeling really low and like really just stuck and dark and I was like why do I feel like this, like I feel like something’s just not right, and I just sat down to like to write and because I thought maybe it’s because I’ve not written in ages and it was just like this instant like therapy session in a way like just almost like a hug like this sense of like meditative state almost when I go into like writing. Sometimes it can feel like a little bit tedious you know but most of the time it feels like I go in like a meditative state in a way and so yeah I think writing has always been able, been a place for me to be able to like reach somewhere a little bit deeper you know and be able to explain how sometimes my darker thoughts or like deeper sort of like my mental health and stuff how I can express it in a way that like reflects back to me and it works you know we were talking about before like representation between people, it’s like representing myself in a way like reflecting back the things that maybe I can’t explain that I feel that way but it’ll come out in like a line or a metaphor or something and it kind of explains it back to myself in a way, it's like this really bizarre sort of like process but I’ve found it’s a really important one and I’ve always thought like sometimes if I’m doing like a live show and I’m doing something that’s like stretching me and maybe feeling a little bit more uncomfortable you know like a little bit more anxious in different areas of being an artist and I sometimes question like why I do this like I get quite anxious and while I enjoy it surely there’s something else I can be doing that’s not bringing me this much anxiety and then I think I actually couldn’t do it like I couldn’t not do this because song writing is like this pot of gold that I’ve managed to stumble upon that I’ve really just found for myself is just something I have to do.
Ella:
Yeah, I feel like the way you described it then is how I find just like writing poetry as well it’s like sometimes you just come out with things that you’ve never given name to or you’ve never heard someone else describe and you’re just like oh my god like that’s exactly it and it’s like how did my own brain just tell me that when I’ve been struggling with understanding this feeling for so long like where has it been like why did it take me like writing it in rhyme for me to like understand what it means like (laughing) it is amazing and I think that like meditative feeling that you’re describing in writing kind of comes across in your music too like I always feel like when I’m listening to your music it always feels like, I don’t know the right word like I said like confession before but it does feel like that sort of thing it’s like your inner monologue or something like that do you know what I mean it feels like super personal so I feel like I can almost imagine like the writing process when I listen which is always nice.
I think that is a really lovely place to close off the interview. We do like a song of the week for each episode so obviously I would like to give you the song for this week since you are our lovely guest. We’ve already played ‘Equal’ on the show so do you have like a different song that you would like for us to play?
Amber:
Yeah erm…ooo which one which one! Probably ‘Pencilled Brims’ because I think that’s my favourite one on the EP so I’d say yeah ‘Pencilled Brims’!
Ella:
Amazing stuff. Thank you so much for chatting with us today!
Amber:
No thank you I feel like really lovely after that.
Amber Jay – Pencilled Brims
That was pencilled brims by Amber Jay! You can find more of Amber on socials as @iamamberjay and you can stream Amber Jay on Spotify and all other major streaming websites! A massive thank you again to Amber for taking the time to chat with us today, hopefully Amber’s words can be a comfort and an inspiration for everyone listening!
We are Ella and Eve from Where are the Girlbands working in collaboration with Comics Youth to bring you interviews with local organisations and individuals who create safe spaces. You can find us on Instagram as @wherearethegirlbands where we celebrate women in music and discuss how to make local music scenes more accessible for everyone through reviews, video series, interviews and events! You can find more about Comics Youth on Instagram at @comicsyouth or via the website comicsyouth.co.uk. Comics Youth is a youth led organisation that aims to empower youth across the Liverpool City Region to flourish from the margins of society, creating safe spaces where young people can harness their own narratives and find confidence within a creative community. Comics Youth provide a range of creative services designed to support and amplify the often diminished voices of young people, from zine creation to youth led publishing hubs and projects such as this podcast which highlights the voices of those working within our community to create safe spaces! Thanks for listening.
