What it’s like to be Autistic: the Good, the Bad & the Sensational!
what it’s like to be autistic: the good, the bad & the sensational!
By Toad Cook
Trigger Warnings: discussions of mental health and suicide
Autism.
It's a big scary word really, the kind of word that parent’s shudder at the thought of their child being diagnosed with it. The word that makes doctors trust you a little less, that makes it too easy for you to be bullied and insulted. It’s a word that instills fear into the neuro-typicals of the world. A word that fills them with pity and fear.
To me it’s everything. To Autistic people it's who we are, it's our thoughts, our hobbies, our humour, even the way we laugh or sit. It defines us and we define it. I personally love being Autistic.
I was diagnosed Autistic when I was nineteen years old in the middle of the Covid-19 Pandemic. My partner and I were locked in a tiny student flat hundreds of miles from home and I ended up having a breakdown. I had been struggling since I was fourteen and no matter how many times I had gone to the doctors or spoken to teachers my mental health was described as anxiety. They told me that sitting there rocking back and forth and suddenly not being able to speak because I touched slimy food was anxiety. I thought I was broken, trapped in a mind that I couldn’t understand or decipher.
One Doctor told me it was my period.
It took me six months of counselling and six attempts at trying to complete suicide to push for a diagnosis. After that it took me three years and four meetings in which I had to mime brushing my teeth, read a picture book, and describe my innermost trauma. My Mum also had to be interviewed and dive into excruciating detail about my worst features. Before each meeting I would tire myself out, make myself the lowest I could be because an Autistic diagnosis is defined by characteristics that men have. This means that a high majority of women and genderqueer people are often diagnosed with BPD over Autism[1] which leads to further mental health issues as the support for BPD does not work for Autism.
Once you have your Autism diagnosis there is very limited support out there, it is mainly aimed at parents of Autistic children over Autistic adults which can be very condescending as the only advice you can get is childish and often diminishes the independence of Autistic people.
It has been a journey for me to find the beauty and the positives of Autism as the world constantly criticises you for it. And for this finale of Autism Awareness Month, I want to talk about the best things about being Autistic. Let’s end this month with hope, positivity, and celebration.
“Autism is beautiful, it is innovative, exciting, it is a disability that revolves around passion and knowledge.”
One of the best parts of it is the community of neurodivergent adults is that you end up befriending, there is a domino effect of one person being diagnosed causes the entire friendship group too. I love the INSTANT friendship you build with fellow Autistics, bonding over your hatred of labels of the repetitive meals you are obsessed with at the moment, over collections of shiny rocks. Autistic people befriend each other very easily[2], our communication issues are more of a translation problem between neurodivergent brains to neurotypicals than the aged idea that we cannot communicate.
I LOVE and I am constantly inspired by how creative Autistic people are. Interpreting the unique way they see the world into their art, their writing, their computer programmes. We are innovators and composers, our creativity is endless.
Autistic people are extremely empathetic with animals, we build connections with them that are familial, beautiful. We bond easily with them[3] and we are passionate about our pets and bugs we find.
We see the world vibrantly, with the lack of the built in societal boundaries we see everything simply as it is. I am often described with a childlike energy but that is only because everything excites me and it is not built in for me to not be excited over a ladybug landing on my hand, or finding a rock that just fits right. I think it’s an asset to not see the world as it is designed, we are breaking out of the fourth wall and on some level seeing the Earth for what it is.
Autistic people have built-in skills. Which sounds like a silly thing to say but on a personal level I have wonderful pattern recognition which is an asset within my work, I am able to spot issues and recognise faults with ease. We also often have amazing memories, are detail oriented, honest, dependable, punctual and we apply our creativity to problem solving. We use the differences in our brain mapping to provide solutions that neurotypical people simply can’t think of. One of my most personal solutions is that I can read people quite well because I have built up a repertoire of expressions plus body language in my brain, then when I am around people I almost do a spreadsheet formula to understand how they feel. So new environments tire me out because I simply haven’t inputted that data in before but afterwards the data is put in and I am more able to stand the situation the next time.
Autism is beautiful, it is innovative, exciting, it is a disability that revolves around passion and knowledge. And Autistic people are hilarious if I do say so myself! I am more than proud to be Autistic and will constantly advocate for space within the world for Autistic sadness, Autistic joy and for Autistic people to simply exist and have knowledge on their own brains!
Happy Autistic Awareness Month!
[1] https://embrace-autism.com/its-not-bpd-its-autism/
[2] https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1362361320919286
[3] https://autism.org/pet-ownership-and-autism/#:~:text=Research%20shows%20that%20autistic%20people,have%20participated%20in%20pet%20therapy.
